Voice 20 – Simply Sara

I debated with myself for a couple of days about whether to include this video on here. Most people will know this video for the startling disregard of nutritional common sense displayed by the filmmaker, which has already comfortably secured its viral status. All I know is I have now watched it about 5 times purely for the way she delivers the line “It’s already been cooked and drained” in reference to the immense bowl of apple macaroni (whatever that is) she stuffs into the pile of saturates she has sitting on her stove. Efficient use of incidental music as well. Just bland enough to bring me one step closer to that desired level of blind stupor. I suppose what this video really proves to me is that soothe doesn’t discriminate against blatant stupidity. So there you are.

Voice 19 – Lauren Bacall

In Young Man With a Horn

The Big Sleep

And of course one of the most famous, and soothing, lines in the history of cinema. From the movie To Have and Have Not. Yeah, that’s right. Sexy can be soothing.

Voice 18 – Tom Waits

Sigh…

Voice 17 – Urgelt

Who is Urgelt? And why has he created a Youtube account consisting entirely of quiet, leisurely poetry readings? Who knows. The very understated manifesto on his youtube profile says:

If I could sum up my message in a few words, I’d probably use these: be skeptical of what people tell you, there are a lot of self-serving liars at large. Use search engines, they are the most powerful invention since printed books. Be amazed at the wonderful universe we live in. Be in love with literature and poetry. Try to be kind; a world filled with kindness is a nicer place to live.

So I suppose I’ll let that speak for itself.

I chose this video, a reading of the poem The Children’s Hour by Henry Longfellow, because by chance I happened to buy a beautifully illustrated second-hand book called Excelsior by the same poet while in Edinburgh and only discovered afterwards that he was a very well-known children’s author at one time. It’s also rather lovely that he finishes this video with the advice “Fathers. Read to your children.”

Voice 16 – Olivia Dunham (Anna Torv) 2

Yeah I’ve done her already, but what can I do? Her voice is mental soothing. Here she is in a sneak peek for Season 3 of Fringe. The psychiatrist woman isn’t half bad either.

Voice 15 – Darrell Bluett

Sure, it might be agonisingly painful to watch, but it’s also rather restful, no?

Voice 14 – Irwin Zeplowitz

I sometimes wonder if religious leaders have to attend some kind of special soothing voice training camp as part of their training. Sort of makes me wish I believed in any of it. Sort of.

The song holds up pretty well against the thousand other comedy youtube Lady Gaga covers out there. Remember kids, “the shofar can be your telephone”.

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